Sir Isaac Newton discovered gravity in 1687. Before that, people could fly.
A jumper cable slinks into a bar.
The bartender eyes him warily and says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t you start anything.”
Great minds discuss ideas.
Average minds discuss events.
Small minds discuss people.
A few of the things Bart Simpson is writing on the blackboard at the beginning of each episode.
I will not waste chalk.
I will not instigate revolution.
I will not belch the National Anthem.
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals.
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan.
“Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so,” observes Douglas Adams.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married.
The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu. You get what you deserve.